Freed...once again...

Today John and I laid on the bed with our new little girl between us and the door bell rang. John got up and it was Joy from FBC Whitesboro bringing over a check from the “Biscuits for Thailand” that they held for us at their church this last Sunday evening. He returned and opened the check…he handed me a check for almost $1,200 dollars…I just stared at it for a little while…jaw gapping and thanked God. We had no idea that we would be receiving so much…but it was just what we needed.

Then my thoughts went on to my to do list for the day which now included getting this money into our bank account. Then I realized that after I deposit this check we will have $4,000 dollars in our bank account. Why in the world and I’m I talking about how much money we have in our bank account?…well, just keep reading. I sat there and thought about the fact that we’ve never had that much money sitting in our bank account before and how nice it would feel if the money wasn’t just going to be gone in a few days.

My mind whirled at the thought of having all that money to spend on whatever we wanted…some nice new clothes…new shoes for the boys and some cool new toys…fancy…really girly dresses for Jossalyn…good glasses and dental work for John…a shopping spree in LifeWay…all the books my heart desires! My mind wondered and it wondered. And then I woke up to the reality that this money was going straight for our tickets to return to Thailand and our visas…which would take the whole amount and a bit more.

Then a feeling rushed over me…an awesome feeling. I was taken back to our garage sale before we left for Thailand and a lady had my beautiful comforter in her hands asking me to sell it to her for $10 dollars…she didn’t know I had saved and saved to buy that comforter and it meant the world to me and I thought I would have it for years to come. She didn’t know that it was one of my most favorite things…and as she tried to bargain and talk me down I felt this same feeling as I took her horrible offer. My heart was freed…

Freed from needing anything beyond my Lord and His will for my life. I was also reminded of when we left our car behind to be sold for whatever they could get for it even though we were only about half a year from having it paid off and oh how we had struggled to keep that car for 4 years!! That payment was a thorn in our side but we fought hard and kept that car…knowing that one day it would be paid off and all ours. But…once again my heart was freed and I still remember the moment when I took one last look at my car that had become so much a part of who I was (sounds silly doesn’t it?)

Here I sat on the bed…freed. My heart sang “All for you my beloved God…all for you…” (As if I had done anything to bring in the money in that check…it came by the hand of the Lord anyway- but the one thing I can give my God is my life, my dreams and my desires and surrender them to Him)

I let go of the feelings that had been rising inside me…all of my wants and my dreams of an American life and all of it’s perks. I let go of the want to control our income and not have to trust God. And boy did it feel good! I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that my life is not in my hands…and the Lord loves me enough to care and have these plans for us. What an awesome God you are and how honored I am to know you and serve you!