Monday, July 05, 2010

When was the last time?

When was the last time you blew one of these?

Everytime I blow one of these I think of what the word of God does to us. When we receive it for the truth that it is and let it move us then we are blown away with full capability of reproducing and spreading the good news around with us. Cheesy huh? Well, I'm known for it so...too bad! ;)

Friday, July 02, 2010

Two words

Tonight I used two words together that I've never used before. They didn't come out naturally and actually I said it wrong one time. I spoke to my long lost half brother tonight on the phone for the first time since finding him a few days ago. I am still in shock. I keep asking myself...when will this feel real? It was a wonderful conversation and didn't wanna get off the phone.

It's so amazing to be talking to a man who knew my father and is in himself a piece of my father. A good man who has walked a tough road and has come out shining on the other end. I can't put the gratefulness and thankfulness I feel into words. I've always felt so thankful for everything. I know Thailand had a lot to do with the level at which I feel thankful but even before then I have always known how precious life is.

I suppose losing my father at 7 and then watching my mother deteriorate from degenerative disc disease I learned early on that life is precious and you can't take anything for granted. I had to make a late night run to Wal-mart tonight to get some dog food and while I was remembering things that we needed at the house I was grabbing them and throwing them into the buggy.

I'm a price checker but with the things that we normally buy I don't check out the price...I just throw it in. Tonight as I was tossing things into the buggy I just stopped...mid toilet paper isle...and said outloud: Thank you...thank you!! It was a precious moment between me and my God but the shear fact that I could just toss things in my buggy and not fret and worry over each penny is such a blessing.

There are so many people who struggle just to feed their children and here I am deciding which "healthy" bread doesn't contain high fructose corn syrup...not concerned with the $.50-$1 that I'll pay more for that "healthy" bread. I grabbed the toilet paper and thought about how thankful I was that I didn't HAVE to purchase the cheapest, most-fallin-apart-toilet-paper-ever-invented!!!!! I was thankful that I walked by the clearance rack and saw that cute shirt for $4 that Joss would love and I didn't have to pass it by.

Thankful that my legs can carry me out the front of Walmart and I was so greatful that I was about to go out to my running car that's tank is full. Thankful that I'm driving home to the love of my life and incredible children. As I looked at the sky driving home I was thankful to have been born in America and SOOO thankful that I was not born to parents that didn't want me and that I was not born into a country in the middle of a war. So many things could have happened differently...but they didn't.

But most of all I was thankful that I have peace - beautiful peace that passes all understanding. Peace in life and peace in death.

Tonight was a wonderful night and the conversation I had tonight will stick with me for the rest of my life. I'm so thankful to have found them both. I look forward to mastering the use of these two words over the next few weeks and months - for they are mine now...."Our Daddy" would be so proud.

Be thankful tonight friends. I'll leave you with my favorite song of all time:

Thursday, July 01, 2010


Today was day number 3 that I have not called my long lost half brother! I know it sounds insane but I've been looking for a moment without the kids so I could just cry my eyes out and talk but I just haven't found it...well, I haven't found it before 10:45pm (which is waaay later in his time zone).

Tonight he wrote me two messages and I just sat there and wept. I can't believe this is really happening. I'll share a few excerpts with you.

"Dad told me of his prostate cancer and I was devastated. The very next sentence out of his mouth was nothing about self-pity, or his tough road ahead. He looked at me and said...." I just want 5 good years so there is a chance Steffie (what he called you, not sure how he spelled it) may remember me. I know you don't remember much before age 10, but the point here is this is an example of his genuine love for you. You were always at the forefront of his thoughts. I get tired chasing my kids and I am healthy. Dad NEVER complained about raising a baby at his advanced age. I think this is why I have such a strong devotion to my kids ... he set the example."

As if that isn't enough to keep me crying all night long there was more....

"Dad was a very active person, generous to a fault, and was chronically late. Do you know how many dates I ticked off my girlfriends because I was so late arriving at the movies, or the skating rink? He could never be on time. I owe him because I am so punctual it is rediculous. I am never late, and my kids always tease me about arriving early to places. My wife and I had a new year's resolution a few years ago to try to actually be late to places we went to like parties and get togethers. Well....we weren't very successful."

And the last one:

"Dad's favorite meal: Steak (sirloin) medium rare, baked potato and boiled shrimp. "

Why did I choose these specific excerpts? Well, the first one is obvious but the last two...not so much.

First: Anyone who knows me knows that I have always dealt with being late to EVERYTHING. I was late so much in high school that they made me do two extra weeks at the end of the school year to make up my time.

Second: my two favorite foods are mexican food (specifically salsa) and steak...medium rare.

It's amazing how these small things mean so much. Andy's heart is so amazing to takes everything I've got within me not to forget my responsibilities and jump on a plane to spend a few days just talking. I wish I could do this so badly but there is just too much going on right now and besides - I'd want John to go with me but then getting someone to keep all three kids for a few day is a huge task.

I am so blessed.