Friday, July 02, 2010

Two words

Tonight I used two words together that I've never used before. They didn't come out naturally and actually I said it wrong one time. I spoke to my long lost half brother tonight on the phone for the first time since finding him a few days ago. I am still in shock. I keep asking myself...when will this feel real? It was a wonderful conversation and didn't wanna get off the phone.

It's so amazing to be talking to a man who knew my father and is in himself a piece of my father. A good man who has walked a tough road and has come out shining on the other end. I can't put the gratefulness and thankfulness I feel into words. I've always felt so thankful for everything. I know Thailand had a lot to do with the level at which I feel thankful but even before then I have always known how precious life is.

I suppose losing my father at 7 and then watching my mother deteriorate from degenerative disc disease I learned early on that life is precious and you can't take anything for granted. I had to make a late night run to Wal-mart tonight to get some dog food and while I was remembering things that we needed at the house I was grabbing them and throwing them into the buggy.

I'm a price checker but with the things that we normally buy I don't check out the price...I just throw it in. Tonight as I was tossing things into the buggy I just stopped...mid toilet paper isle...and said outloud: Thank you...thank you!! It was a precious moment between me and my God but the shear fact that I could just toss things in my buggy and not fret and worry over each penny is such a blessing.

There are so many people who struggle just to feed their children and here I am deciding which "healthy" bread doesn't contain high fructose corn syrup...not concerned with the $.50-$1 that I'll pay more for that "healthy" bread. I grabbed the toilet paper and thought about how thankful I was that I didn't HAVE to purchase the cheapest, most-fallin-apart-toilet-paper-ever-invented!!!!! I was thankful that I walked by the clearance rack and saw that cute shirt for $4 that Joss would love and I didn't have to pass it by.

Thankful that my legs can carry me out the front of Walmart and I was so greatful that I was about to go out to my running car that's tank is full. Thankful that I'm driving home to the love of my life and incredible children. As I looked at the sky driving home I was thankful to have been born in America and SOOO thankful that I was not born to parents that didn't want me and that I was not born into a country in the middle of a war. So many things could have happened differently...but they didn't.

But most of all I was thankful that I have peace - beautiful peace that passes all understanding. Peace in life and peace in death.

Tonight was a wonderful night and the conversation I had tonight will stick with me for the rest of my life. I'm so thankful to have found them both. I look forward to mastering the use of these two words over the next few weeks and months - for they are mine now...."Our Daddy" would be so proud.

Be thankful tonight friends. I'll leave you with my favorite song of all time:


Misty said...

WOW!!! and this is why I have missed your blogging!!! Tears! Goosebumps!! All of it!! love you, Steph!! Thank you thank you thank you...for sharing ...again!!