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Friday, December 24, 2004

War in Southern Thailand

This morning my mother in law called to tell us that they are recommending that no one travel to Thailand in 2005 due to tensions between the Thai's and the Malaysians. All I keep thinking is that God knew about all this stuff when he told us to go so I feel extremely confident that everything is in the hands of God.

Iknow one thing for sure - this has definately strengthened my faith. When I first started hearing about the problems in Thailand I wasn't very worried at all but as incidents started being reported and people (including teachers) started coming up dead I really had to ask myself if I really trust God and if I really believe that he has told us to go right now and to Southern Thailand. I have come to find that I do trust in Him...and we are supposed to go now...to Southern Thailand.

I laid in bed last night and cried a bit because I let my imagination get the best of me. I thought of standing in a classroom teaching English (which is what I'm going to be doing) and a gun man walks in a holds a gun to my head. Normally a Christian should have nothing to fear...because we know what waits for us beyond life...but I started shaking and pleading for my life and all I could think about was my son...Josiah. The thought of leaving him and my husband tore my heart in two. I no longer had peace about death at that moment. Instead I had fear.

I remembered the scripture that says "Whoever loves his life...shall lose it..." I realized last night that I love my son and husband so much that the thought of being with them almost sounded more appeasing (at the moment) than being with my creator. That is DANGEROUS ground! I cried and cried...woke my husband up and cried some more.

Then I realized that God knew from the moment I was conceived in my mother's womb...how much I would love my son and my husband and that I would come to a point in my life where I could let my love of life and them to be more important than the love of my savior...and he knew I would be weak at that moment....but the truth is that through Christ I can handle all things. Through his divine love and workings in my life I will and am able to love my husband and son but still hold stead fastly to the love of my heavenly father.

And when death comes I will embrace it as a joyous occasion upon which I will come face to face with my God.

We've been really slacking with getting everything ready to go the past 2 days but we're going to pickup and really work hard after Christmas! I'm really excited - it almost seems unreal because we've been talking about leaving for so long....and planning...and planning...and planning....it just seems like we're just going to keep planning...but it's really going to happen. We're finally leaving January 4th, 2005!!!

Well, I'm going to go to my mother's and eat some stuffing and dumplings :) Have a Merry Christmas and please don't forget to celebrate the REAL meaning of CHRISTmas. Teach your children...remind your friends...don't get caught up in the commercialism of Christmas. Make sure your focus is where it ought to be this Christmas....Above all: Christ....family and friends.

Merry CHRISTmas!


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